How Covid-19 was made by Fifteen-Year-Olds

You know the human-made Covid-19 virus that’s currently knocking the world’s communities and economies on its collective arse? Well, wait till I get my hands on the bunch of American fifteen-year-old numbnuts who made it!

We all know it’s a human-made virus, because there are people on the internet saying so. America made it to smack their ‘enemies’ around a bit, they tell us. Show them who’s boss. Take it to Wuhan, in China, and accidentally-on-purpose release it there. But – oops – the evil scientists who made it (I’ll come back to the fifteen-year-old numbnuts in a moment) appear to have forgotten about the bit where it’s hard to control a virus and contain it within a specific area. They also forgot about the bit where it can come back to bite you on your own arse, especially with the amount of international travel now. And were they sleeping during the lesson where they were told that if they wanted to indulge in viral warfare, then you make a virus that will wipe out entire populations? You don’t just make a virus to make some of the people sick, of whom a smaller percentage may die. And then hope that it doesn’t come back and bite you on your arse.

Or maybe it was the Chinese who made the virus to smack their ‘enemies’ around a bit, and – oops – it escaped into their own country. A quick meeting amongst the authorities ensued, and it was decided to use the Wuhan vile, rotten, repulsive wet markets as the scapegoat. They were well aware of what outsiders, especially Westerners, think of vile, rotten, repulsive wet markets, so it took about five minutes to decide on that one.

But America is a helluva lot easier to dump on, because we know so much more about it, and it’s not racist to dump on America. So yeah, I’m going to go with the bunch of fifteen-year-old numbnuts from America who manufactured this virus, because they were fifteen-year-old numbnuts. I use the term ‘numbnuts’ as an inclusive insult.

Here’s how I think it went down.

A group of fifteen year old computer geeks (‘geek’, however, is not an insult), tired of making computer viruses and crashing systems around the world, decided that it might be more fun to make a biological virus for a change. As an aside, I’m banking on them being fifteen-year-olds, because, as old as I am, I still remember my fifteen-year-old brain had close to zero concept of the consequences of any action for which I hadn’t already been punished several times by my parents or teachers. Anyway, these computer geeks know that they haven’t got all the skills they need to make a biological virus, so they say to a bunch of fifteen-year-old science geeks “Hey, wanna do something fun?”

The science geeks say “Hell, yeah”, thinking of stink bombs and super-stink fart cushions. When the computer geeks explain their plan, the science geeks get on board because showing how clever they are might mean that they’ll get a job with the CIA, or similar, when they finish school. Getting secure paid work in the sciences can be hard, so anything to give them a leg up sounds good.

Now, the computer geek tasked with encoding the virus with “make only people in China sick” into its DNA, got his computer at home confiscated before he finished the job, due to being caught watching too much porn on it. No other computer had all the pirated software necessary to complete the job, so he lied to his comrades-in-stealth about having completed his task. Remember how that fifteen-year-old brain works? Or doesn’t work? His comrades also have fifteen-year-old brains, so they take his word for it.

Then they convince some fellow American to take the virus to China and release it. How exactly a bunch of fifteen-year-old numbnuts convince anyone to do that, I don’t know. But hey, this story is on the internet, so it must be true. Imagine their glee when it works! Suddenly all these Chinese people are getting sick. Success! think the fifteen-year-old brains.

Soon, success turns to “Oh, shit”. The numbnuts squabble amongst themselves, and try to figure out what went wrong. No one ‘fesses up to messing up. Truth is, they all messed up their assigned tasks, because they’re fifteen-year-olds playing with fire with no adult in the room. They disperse, having made a vow of silence amongst themselves, solely intent on saving their sorry arses. The computer geeks get busy creating multiple conspiracy theories to deflect any investigative light being shone in their direction. It works a treat.

And that’s my story of how I reckon Covid-19 got made. It’s as good as any others I’ve heard.

 

PS: For the record, I don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with being fifteen years old.

PPS: Here’s one link amongst many that explains why Covid-19 isn’t human-made https://play.stuff.co.nz/details/_6153024060001

 

 

Header pic by James Baldwin – https://unsplash.com/@chillysheep

 

 

7 thoughts on “How Covid-19 was made by Fifteen-Year-Olds

  1. I laughed a little at this post, but I’ve been trying very hard to avoid the numbnuts who cook up these insane conspiracy theories. (They shouldn’t even be dignified by the word “theories”—they’re fantasies, lies, fables.) The problem is that they’re everywhere on the internet. I give half props to YouTube and Facebook for trying to take down the worst ones as they pop up on their sites, but I don’t think they do it fast enough, and dog knows they’ve been a platform for haters for far too long. Also, we’re looking at 40 years of terrible science education and a lack of critical thinking in the schools. Too many kids graduated from high school thinking that just passing their senior exams meant they’d finished their education. I saw a lot of them while teaching at a community college: I could not believe some of the drivel they spat up in class. When I told them so however, they burbled that I was hurting their feelings and Free Speech, it’s My Right. (No, being stupid isn’t your right, it’s an affliction.)

    What’s really dreadful is that many people will die before the lesson finally sinks in. And it won’t be just the guilty, either. The most vulnerable, the very old, the poor, and young children will suffer, all because some numbnut couldn’t be bothered to stay inside or wear a mask, “because Freedumb.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I like Facebook and the rest of the internet for how it connects us, but it has also been allowed to become a cesspit for the worst of humanity. I do think that we will be forced into a different lifestyle due to this Covid-19, because the effects of it will be around for a while, and we will just have to adapt. Which means supporting and sharing more, and hardening up.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Freedumb – I love it – hahahaha! We’ve entered this weird world where feelings have become ‘rights’ and reality. Yes, critical thinking has flown out the door, because feelings come first. Because they are SO reliable, you know 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Frances Sullivan

    This was great, Katrina. I’ve been struggling to find a ‘lighter side’ to the crap that’s around. This is really helpful! I will defend feelings, however. I think they are the only ‘reality’ individuals have. Everything starts with a feeling and repression of them has gotten us quite skewed. “Woman can’t work that job – too emotional” “Big boys don’t cry.” Feeling are indicators for us – our gut response, our intuition, protective fear mechanisms. However, folks attempting to move us away from denying feelings can be, true enough, equally unbalanced. We’ve senses and we’ve logic. So we deploy discretionary (critical thinking) abilities to the feeling and come up with a best path. To me, it seems when the world is tossed into a new ‘reality’ (this is far from the first), those who cannot discern all the feelings they are feeling, head a bit off the rails. Too afraid to face their fear or anxiety, they lash out at others. Even highly educated people become like children – irrational and non-sensical. The most wily among this group concoct ‘stories’ full of blame and fiction and the odd fact and then convince other frightened people to believe them. History is rife with examples. Thing is, if we recognised the feelings of fear/anger and so on that drives reactions in the first place, these ridiculous ‘stories’ might not gain the kind of damaging momentum that they do. (Apologies for going on! Hehe.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually, I’m with you on everything you’ve written about feelings, even while I’ve disagreed with those over-indulging in them, and making them the new ‘facts’. Feelings are an inside product of what’s going outside of us (unless there is a mental disorder), and understanding the changing nature of that is vital. It doesn’t always change everything about how we feel in the moment, but critical thinking tells us that feelings are ephemeral and malleable, and not facts. They can be a useful diagnostic tool, though, as you’ve indicated.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Frances Sullivan

        So true. Although what ‘facts’ are anymore, I’m not so sure. LOL. Fun times. Nice to have your great view on things!

        Liked by 1 person

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